How To Be Content While Dating

There are many reasons why it can be hard to be content while dating someone. However, with just a slight mindset change, contentment is obtainable.

I’ve talked about discontentment A TON here on Joy Because Grace, but most times it’s been in regards to singleness and being contently single.

However, it can also be hard to be contently dating. You see, it can be hard to be content while dating especially if a lot of your friends start getting engaged and you feel left out or behind.

It can be hard to be content while dating once you realize that the person you’re dating actually isn’t perfect. It can be hard if you struggle with relationship comparison. And it can be hard when you start falling in love with your boyfriend and discover that you want to marry him… but he hasn’t proposed.

Let’s dive in and tackle these reasons for discontentment and discover how we can be content while dating.

How To Be Content While Dating…

1. Discontent when your friends get engaged and you feel left out or behind.

I feel like both girls who aren’t dating anyone and who are dating can face this struggle.

I remember when it first started seeming like everyone I knew was getting engaged. It was my sophomore year of college, and one person after another kept getting engaged. A few were my close friends. A few were people I sat next to in class.

Everywhere I turned, it seemed another new, sparkly ring was waiting around the corner.

As a single, I thought “Everyone is getting engaged and I haven’t even gone on a date yet!” …Definitely not a happy thought.

I had to pray about this a lot. I had to memorize verses that dealt with contentment and I came up with a battle strategy for my discontentment. 

Not surprisingly, this feeling of “Everyone is getting engaged!” didn’t go away once I started dating. People keep getting engaged. I’ve come to realize that engagement is just a part of life.

Envying someone who reached that stage of life before me won’t make my time come any sooner.

As we learned from Mean Girls*:

“Calling somebody else fat won’t make you any skinnier. Calling someone stupid doesn’t make you any smarter. And ruining Regina George’s life definitely didn’t make me any happier. All you can do in life is try to solve the problem in front of you.”
-Cady

*Not an endorsement for Mean Girls

Regardless of which season of life we find ourselves in, we should focus on Jesus and why He has placed us in this season. We shouldn’t let our imaginations run off into the future and wish away our present.

Mindset Change: Keep the following in mind- Life isn’t a race! Marriage is not some finish line or destination for us to reach! Just because your friends get engaged before you doesn’t make you a loser!

2. Discontent when you realize the guy you’re dating isn’t perfect.

Once the newness of the relationship wears off, you might start to realize that the person that you’re dating isn’t perfect.

It can be tempting to have a “the grass is greener on the other side of the fence” mentality when you see your boyfriend’s flaws and wonder if someone else would be more perfect.

News flash: No one is perfect, not even you. You have flaws and struggles too, and so it would be wrong to expect him to accept you with your struggles if you are refusing to accept him with his!

Romans 3:23 says, “For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.” 

ALL.

Your boyfriend. You. Your next door neighbor.

ALL.

If you are expecting your boyfriend to be perfect, you’re expecting disappointment. How would you feel if he was expecting you to be perfect? The truth is, no one is perfect.

“For no one is perfect, no not one.” -Romans 3:10

If you’re single, I encourage you to recognize the fact that your future boyfriends won’t be perfect. That they will have mistakes too. Because I knew this when I was single, when my boyfriend messes up on the (very) rare occasion, I’m not surprised. He’s not perfect and neither am I.

Mindset Change: Accept the fact that no one is perfect, including your boyfriend and yourself. Learn how to accept his quirks and imperfections. This will help you be content while dating.

3. Discontent when you struggle with relationship comparison.

This is an area in which I used to struggle in a lot- even back when I was single and not even in a relationship!

It can be so easy to see a “perfect” relationship in the movies or a “perfect” relationship on Instagram and start to feel like your own relationship is less than perfect.

In the past, when I would see pictures of my friends (or even acquaintances) on Instagram with their boyfriends, posing in a super cute way with a super cute caption, I would think, “Their relationship looks so perfect!” and I would feel discontent with my own- simply because my relationship looks different from there’s!

Eventually, this one one of the major reasons why I deleted Instagram for a while. I simply did not want to continue triggering myself to feel discontent! I had to come to realize that just as no person is perfect, no relationship is perfect either. Every relationship has flaws… people just don’t post about those flaws and struggles to Instagram!

So if you’re struggling with relationship comparison, don’t. ;) The couple that you’re comparing yourself to has their own set of struggles and issues.

As Theodore Rosevelt said, “Comparison is the thief of joy.”

Mindset Change: If you find yourself comparing your relationship with someone else’s and you’re also feeling a lack of joy in your own, try to stop comparing yourself to them! Focus on the GREAT things in your own relationship. And then you will feel happy about your own relationship, and content while dating.

4. Discontent when you fall in love with your boyfriend and want to marry him.

The last struggle I could think of in regards to being content while dating was being discontented once you fall in love with your boyfriend and decide you want to marry him. Then, similar to the first point, you find yourself discontent with dating because you want to be engaged.

As I’ve mentioned, I struggled with contentment when I was single. Once my boyfriend and I started dating, I was determined to use what I learned about contentment when single and apply it to our dating relationship.

So, I determined I would enjoy dating him as much as possible. I knew that our dating would eventually end- either we would break up or we would get married. Regardless, I will not be dating my boyfriend forever!

So why would I want to spoil this moment now by being discontent in my relationship with him? I don’t want to be constantly rushing ahead and wondering if he and I will get married. I’d rather sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride. :)

Same goes for you- if you find yourself longing to marry your boyfriend and are discontent because of it, take a step back. Recognize the fact that your season of dating him won’t last forever. One way or another it will end.

Mindset Change: Choose to enjoy every day while you date your boyfriend. Decide not to rush ahead and instead choose to enjoy the time you have while dating him.

Lastly, keep in mind that no guy will ever fulfill you.

There’s only one guy with that power, and His name is Jesus.

I’ve talked about this when it comes to singleness, but the same can be applied to dating. Just change “boyfriend” to “husband” ;)

The second we allow ourselves to think our lives will be better once we have a boyfriend, we allow discontentment to take over. It’s the second we believe the lie that we need a person to make us happy. And it’s the second we place too much weight on our future-boyfriend’s shoulders.

Here’s a little secret I’ve learned: If you’re waiting for a boy to stop your loneliness, you’ll always be looking. There’s only one boy with that power, and His name is Jesus. Unrealistic expectations breed discontentment. When we place our hope for the future on someone other than Jesus, we will always be disappointed.

–Single Conversations

Similarly, if you’re waiting for your boyfriend to make you forever happy, you’ll constantly be disappointed. He’s not perfect and he will inevitably let you down. Contrastingly, Jesus is perfect and will never let you down.

Choose Jesus first and look to Him for your joy and contentment, not any boy. :)

Let’s be Instagram friends! @joybecausegrace

Posted by Kara Beth & filed under Dating. This post has 8 comments.