The Day I Didn’t Catch the Bouquet

Typically I hate the part of wedding receptions when the bride tosses the bouquet. I find it awkward and uncomfortable. When I was single, it was a reminder that I didn’t have a boyfriend. Once I started dating, the thought of catching it made me dread the “When are y’all getting married?” questions that would soon follow.

But last summer, I unexpectedly felt something different.

During the wedding reception of my boyfriend’s brother’s wedding, I found myself wanting to catch the bouquet for the first time. Emily turned her back to all of us girls and the bouquet came flying towards me and my arms stretched upwards to catch it instead of staying glued to my side like normal. My eyes focused on the flowers and my mind determined to grab them.

But then someone in front of me knocked it to the ground by my feet. And my brain snapped out of the moment and I stared at the bouquet, unsure of if I wanted to fight for it. That could end up being embarrassing later…

Emily’s sister ended up with the bouquet and that’s probably better anyway.

I walked back to the area where my family and friends were, and the teasing commenced. One of my parent’s best friends leaned over and teased, “Hopefully Caleb will be better at catching the garter.” I laughed and tried to shake off my unexpected feeling of disappointment.

Did I really want to have caught the bouquet? Wouldn’t the teasing have been worse if I had? I wondered.

I thought about it a lot that evening and the days that followed. Questioning why my gut reaction to the flying bouquet was to grab it instead of hiding.

I decided that subconsciously I wanted to marry Caleb.

That realization didn’t do much to comfort me. At this point, Caleb and I hadn’t even said “I love you” yet. I felt unsure if he wanted to marry me…

How was it that suddenly, in that split-second moment, my mind and heart were so sure?

In the days and weeks that followed the wedding, I started overanalyzing and overcomplicating things in my head.

The realization that I wanted to catch the bouquet and I wanted to marry Caleb freaked me out. I didn’t feel good enough for him. Additionally, I felt like he could do so much better things in his ministry if I wasn’t a part of his life and distracting him… I almost broke up with him- not because I didn’t love him, but because I genuinely believed that I was not the best thing for him.

And I so desperately want the best for him.

Needless to say, we didn’t break up. Thank goodness!

The conversation we had was amazing and it brought me so much peace and helped us get on the same page.

My heart and mind were in agreement- I’m gonna marry him someday.

And this time, instead of freaking out, I felt immense peace.

When I was a teenager, older women would occasionally ask my peers and me what qualities we wanted in a future husband. They would ask us to write down a list of non-negotiables.

My friends would read off their list and say things like “Tall, blonde hair, good dancer…” and would continue listing off many, many traits.

I realized I didn’t have a long list of requirements.

First and foremost, I wanted to marry someone who loved Jesus and wanted to serve him. I had a gut feeling since I was in 10th grade that the person I married would be in some sort of ministry, but I wasn’t set on that. I would be fine with marrying a plumber if he loved God first.

Secondly, I wanted to marry someone who loved me second only to God.

Thirdly, I wanted to marry someone who loved Disney… or at least who could appreciate my love and obsession with it.

There were smaller things that I wanted back in high school but didn’t see as a deal-breaker. Things like a sense of humor, kindness, and being servant-hearted. I have typically been more attracted to guys with brown hair and eyes, but I felt silly adding that to my “list of requirements.”

Ultimately, I decided that if the guy loved God and loved me and appreciated Disney, I’d be just fine LOL.

I decided to start praying for my future husband rather than daydreaming about his qualities.

But here’s the thing about Caleb- he has all the qualities I wanted back in high school, as well as some I didn’t know I needed/wanted.

Caleb meets that list of three- He loves God, loves me, and likes Disney. But beyond that, he is so much more.

Caleb is patient with me and bears with me when I freak out about our relationship, school-stress, or other things in life.

He is so kind- to me, to my family and friends, and to everyone else around him.

Whenever I talk to him about any friend-drama I’m having, he tells me when I’m being ridiculous. Caleb listens to me when I’m ranting and then gives me objective advice which is so wonderful because I tend to be feelings-driven.

He quotes The Emperor’s New Groove, VeggieTales, and The Lego Movie with ease. He sends me memes that he knows will make me laugh. We have the same sense of humor, which is awesome.

He is so sassy and snarky and sarcastic.

When he first meets someone, his respectful side shines through the most. But just wait until you know him better and then BAM- he’ll say something snarky to you that will cause you to pause and think “Where did that come from?”

Caleb is servant-hearted and puts other people’s needs before his own.

I first noticed this quality in Caleb back when we were in youth group together. We were on a youth trip to Rock The Desert and a friend back home called him with computer issues. He paused what he was doing and helped walk her through the problem. That small act of kindness stood out to me, and 9 years later I still remember it.

Caleb is hardworking and dedicated.

But he isn’t a total perfectionist in that he’ll willingly not write an essay for his master’s class if it comes between choosing to get a perfect grade or spend time with the teenage guys he works with at church. He knows that people matter more than grades and I so admire him for that.

He’s great with small children.

His cousins have young kids and I love seeing him interact with them. I think he’s gonna be a great dad someday.

And those tiny things that I secretly wanted in high school? The brown hair and brown eyes? Yeah, he has those 😅 And he wants to be a youth pastor.

So that’s how I know I want to marry Caleb.

It’s not based on whether or not I catch a bouquet at a wedding. It’s based on his qualities and how they so perfectly match what I need in life. We balance each other out so well and have so much fun together. I don’t want to ever know life without him.

If you have a list of qualities you want in your future husband, I encourage you to narrow it down to your top three things.

Then, I want you to imagine your future husband. What sort of things is on his list of qualities he wants in his future wife?

Instead of focusing on finding “the one” for you, focus on yourself- growing in your relationship with God, serving others, getting connected in a church, continuing your education, starting a business, etc.

Whatever it is you want to do and whoever it is you want to be, focus on becoming that.

Then someday, perhaps a guy will enter your life and love who it is he’s meeting!

Or, if you do end up being single forever, you’ll be someone who you love to be!

Okay, I gotta ask- What are your top three qualities you want your future husband to have?

Let me know in a comment! :)

Also, let’s connect on Instagram! You can find me @kara_beth17

Posted by Kara Beth & filed under Dating. This post has 7 comments.