How To Handle A Breakup

Confession: I have never gone through a breakup.

Sometimes I feel guilty about this. I sometimes wish I had gone through a breakup before so I would know how to help others when they go through them. I hate it when I see my friends go through breakups, especially when I don’t know when to help them.

One of my best friends has gone through several breakups throughout her lifetime. A couple of weeks ago, she so graciously agreed to share about her breakups with me and you as a part of the Broken Yet Beloved Facebook Live Series.

This is the live video interview. (If you would rather read her answers to my questions, her typed responses are below the video.)

You may need to click the speaker on the video to turn on the sound.

How To Handle A Breakup…

An interview with Kara’s friend Michaela :) 

How many breakups have you gone through?

Three.

If you had to describe each using one sentence, what would those sentences be?

I’d call one “a long distance let-down,” another “we’re just friends and that’s okay!,” and the most recent was probably “the most heartbreak over a guy I’ve ever experienced.”

Did you ever have to go through a painful breakup?

Yes. In some ways, they were all painful because the comfort of being in a relationship ended. I would have to say my most recent break-up was the hardest. I was really in love with the guy.

How did you get through that? What helped?

I think I managed to get through the difficult breakups first of all because God didn’t leave me. I felt and sometimes still feel very alone in that sadness and ache, but there have been certain reminders that He is always there.

My best friend (you) helped me the most… the Lord moved her to send me Bible verses, daily words of concern and encouragement, listen to me bawl over the phone, and actually she came down to be with me after the breakup. I even got sweet letters in the mail from her weeks later!

Did you ever have to break up with someone when you didn’t want to, but knew it was the best thing? How/why did you decide to break up, even though it was hard?

Yes. It was so hard.

I knew that at that point in my life we were not supposed to be together. Even though I loved the guy, (and honestly I say loved but I still love him, I just can’t be in a relationship with him more than loving him as a brother in Christ now)…. but even though I loved the guy, too many things pointed to the fact that we needed to break up.

We weren’t leading each other towards Christ as well as we could be. We weren’t loving as selflessly as we could, and I wasn’t having peace about it anymore.

I knew that love isn’t about doing what feels good, what is comfortable… Love is dying to yourself (as Christ gave his life for us). So I (along with some encouragement from the Lord, my sister and my best friend) decided to do the hard thing.

Did you ever have a breakup that ended well? What factors do you think contributed to it ending well?

Yes! I was so blessed with the second breakup… we had been friends in high school but he didn’t pursue me until later.

Honestly, I’d say that the reason the breakup itself wasn’t hard was because of the way our relationship was at the beginning.

We weren’t physical with each other, we only held hands, hugged and still treated each other as good friends. Even though we were looking at potentially spending the rest of our lives together. It was romantic without being mushy!

We were also honest with each other when it came time to break up. We both acknowledged that we thought being friends was the best way to be in a relationship with each other. That we didn’t feel called to anything more.

It was fantastic because I think we were both so prayerful about the whole relationship etc that we were able to meet the same conclusion with the Lords help.

And we are still good friends!

Is it possible to stay friends with an ex?

Hahahahaha I think I just answered that above. ;)

However, if you have a relationship where you want to move on and just be friends but the guy obviously just wants you back, it’s much better to break it off completely.

I learned this the hard way recently. I knew I couldn’t be in a friendship with the guy anymore but he was still acting romantically towards me. Being lonely myself, I’m sure I sort of egged him on with my own conversation. If I had let him to himself we might be in a better place already.

Any other tips for girls going through a breakup?

Just remember that it is going to hurt. People told me it would take time to heal. And they weren’t kidding.

A breakup is a death. It is trauma and heartbreak sometimes. Not every time, but often. Grief is real and you might not realize it, but months later when you are still aching… you need good girlfriends to lift you up and time to spend with the Lord.

Journaling has helped me so much and honesty with myself that no, it’s not going to just go away after 6 months. It may still hurt my heart really bad years later.

But a prayer that I’d encourage you to pray is: “Lord, help me let You love me.”

He can be our strength and our source of peace and He is our first lover.

Thank you, Michaela, for participating in this interview!!

I hope you, dear reader, have gained some insights and comfort from her answers.

If you are going through a breakup yourself, I hope you will give yourself grace and time to grieve. If you are still hurting long after the breakup took place, know nothing is wrong with you. It is okay for you still to feel sad.

Related Post: To The Girl Who’s Going Through A Breakup

Have you gone through a breakup before? What helped you get through it?

Let’s be Instagram friends! @joybecausegrace

Posted by Kara Beth & filed under Singleness. This post has 5 comments.