The day after Caleb and I started dating, I posted a picture on Instagram of him and I to happily announce to my friends that we were dating.
That picture blew up my notifications.
It became my most liked picture. People came out of the woodworks to congratulate us on finally starting to date.
And to be entirely honest, the attention felt nice.
For the entire first week that Caleb and I were officially a couple, I would wake up fearing that everything had been a dream. My solution? Hop over to Facebook or Instagram to see if my notifications were exploding.
Sounds silly, I’m sure. But I knew people were going crazy about the fact that he and I were dating, and I knew that one glance at my social media would confirm that he and I really were dating.
(Quick backstory: People often thought Caleb and I were dating before we really were because we hung out all the time. We’ve been great friends for years. So, when we announced that we were dating, everyone who had been hoping we’d start dating kinda sorta freaked out. More of our story in the posts So There’s This Guy… and Reflecting on my Years of Singleness.)
I felt so excited to be dating him, and it seemed like everyone was excited with me.
But then the likes and the comments stopped.
I would get on Instagram and Facebook and see that I had no new notifications. I was still excited to be newly dating him, but the rest of the world had moved on.
At first, I was confused. The lack of attention was strange to me- in just a few short days, I had grown addicted to the likes and comments and validation of our new relationship.
Throughout the three years since when we became “officially official,” I’ve posted a grand total of nine pictures of just the two of us. Nine.
There are three main reasons why I don’t post pictures of my boyfriend and me to Instagram.
I want to share these with you today to explain why I don’t share pictures of Caleb and I. These reasons are completely personal. If you’re dating someone please do not read these as “Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Post Pictures Of You And Your Boyfriend.” Again, this is just a personal decision I’ve made :)
1. I don’t want to show us off.
In those moments after the likes and comments stopped after I posted the first picture of us on Instagram, it dawned on me.
“Ohhhhhh!” I thought, “THIS is why people in relationships post pictures of each other all of the time!”
Ever since I got my Instagram, I had always been slightly annoyed by those girls who always posted pictures of themselves and their boyfriends. As a single, I felt like they were just rubbing it in my face that they were in a relationship and I wasn’t.
But that’s not true at all.
I think that sometimes the attention that comes from posting a cute picture of yourself and your boyfriend becomes addicting. When the likes stop, you crave more. So you post another picture. And then another.
Just a theory of mine, based upon what I think would have happened to me if I had kept posting pictures of Caleb and me :)
When I was single, I hated seeing all the cute couples on social media. Okay, maybe hate is too strong of a word. But it definitely caused me to feel discontent about my singleness.
I never want to cause another girl to feel bad about herself as a result of me posting a picture of Caleb and me on Instagram. This is a major reason why I don’t post pictures of us on social media.
2. Caleb doesn’t like pictures and so I don’t post often out of respect for him.
Caleb doesn’t like taking pictures so he and I don’t take pictures together that often. Like, we take pictures mayyyybe three times a year. Depending on what’s going on.
This definitely helps me from being tempted to post cute pictures of us together all the time LOL! 😂 I’m going to go more in-depth about how the lack of pictures makes each one more special in the next point.
The last two times I’ve posted pictures of us on my feed were his past two birthdays. I try now to find pictures of us that don’t show his face because he tends to not mind those as much.
I want to respect this part of Caleb’s personality, even if I don’t quite like it 100%. Not liking pictures is a part of who he is, stemming all the way back to when he was 3-years-old from what I’ve been told.
3. It keeps the special moments private.
When Caleb does agree to take a picture with me, I have to pause and think about if I want to share that moment with everyone who is following me. I go through my four questions to ask before posting to social media check-list, and usually, the answer I come to is “Don’t post it.”
The few pictures I have with him are quite special to me and I don’t want everyone seeing those special moments. I feel like it devalues the moment and makes the picture a little less special. (Just my personal opinion.)
When we do take a picture together that I really like, I’ll occasionally post it to my Instagram stories. I love how you can create a “close friends” list so only select people can see what you post. Usually, I forget that feature exists though LOL!
I like how stories are less permanent than feed posts. I save them in my highlight for that year so I can look back and see what I’ve posted, but it’s less likely that other people will go hunting for pictures of him and me.
Typically though, I choose not to post at all. I print out the pictures with my sprocket and stick them in my journal. Then I write about whatever we were doing and I have preserved the memory only just for me.
And so that’s why I don’t post pictures of my boyfriend and me that often.
All of this is my personal opinion and what works for us in our relationship.
Things might be 100% totally different for you and your boyfriend. I’m just here sharing my story and my thoughts :)
And I want to know what you think!
If you are dating/ have dated before, do/did you post pictures of you and your boyfriend on social media? If you’re single, what are your thoughts on this too? I would love to know your opinions.
And speaking of Instagram, are we friends there yet? Come find me @kara_beth17!
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Emma
Hi, reading this article reassured me because my boyfriend and I don’t see the need to take pictures together and I know (at least in this day and age) that is rather strange.
Joanna
Hi Kara! I have been following your blog for a couple of months (or once in awhile), and I’m enjoying every topic you write on! Although, I am 16-years-old and have not experienced being in a relationship, I loved how you wrote your own opinion about this. I would like to share mine with you.
I have made an online friend (I will not be mentioning her name) recently on Wattpad (a writing social community) and took the privilege to share to her of our Lord Jesus Christ. However, the messages I would always receive from her would be about her special moments with her boyfriend; such as ‘missing her baby and want to lay on his chest again’. As a Christian myself, I am ashamed to say that I am bothered by her actions. Even in public, she would post ‘sweet couple’ pictures, and more special moments. It gives me the temptation of being envious and looking down upon them. I do not want to block her because Jesus said we aren’t suppose to reject anyone, but instead reflect His love to all; and to be the light of the world.
I would like your advice on how to handle the situation. It would help me a lot. Thank you so much Kara for being an encouragement! You have been a blessing to me and many others. May God bless you <3
Kara Beth Post author
Hi Joanna!
First of all, you have to ask yourself why this bothers you. Is it because it’s causing you to be discontent with your singleness? Does it bother you because you don’t think she should be “advertizing” her relationship?
I haven’t been in a situation like this before with a stranger, but I have had friends over post about their relationships before. Typically I don’t say anything to that friend, because the issue of me being discontent is a me-issue, not a her-issue. However, I also haven’t had anyone message me pictures of her and her boyfriend constantly… so I feel like that changes the situation quite a bit.
About the not wanting to block her bit- I’ve never used Wattpad before so I’m not entirely sure how it works. Is she posting pictures of her and her boyfriend there? Or do you also follow her elsewhere on social media?
On some social media platforms, such as Facebook and Instagram, there are ways to hide people’s posts without unfriending them entirely. On Facebook they call this “unfollowing” and on Instagram it’s “muting.” Maybe Wattpad has something you can do like that so you can still message with her and be her friend but without seeing all of her pictures all the time?
As far as the messages that she’s directly sending you that are revolving around her and her boyfriend… that’s kinda weird 🙈 You could message her and ask her to stop, or ignore those messages and just focus on messaging her about writing/Faith, or just stop messaging her at all for a while. She might be wanting the validation of her relationship and so if you don’t say anything mayyybe she’ll stop? The most effective way though to get her to stop would be to just ask her directly. Maybe say something like, “[Name], I’ve loved getting to know you here on Wattpad and I like having updates of you and your boyfriend occasionally, but would you mind if we kept most of our conversations to writing and Christianity?”
Ultimately though, she has the right to post pictures about her relationship if she wants to. She doesn’t necessarily have to message you all the pictures and/or mushy comments. I do think you have a right to ask her not to message you pictures as much or at all.
I hope this helps some!
Blessings,
Kara
Joanna
Hello Kara! I want to thank you so much for the reply. I apologize for my late response.
Because it has been a couple of weeks since my comment, I had the time to examine myself. I realized that I may have been discontent with my singleness and my behavior towards my friend was quite unreasonable.
Wattpad is basically a website where people can write e-books for free. So my friend invites me to read her book entirely about her and her boyfriend’s couple goals, and my mistake was resentfully opening it. It was definitely a me-issue.
My friend doesn’t share pictures of her boyfriend because Wattpad’s inbox only allow messages. Thank you for the advice of telling her directly, but I decided to chat with her once in awhile without the request. Since we rarely talk to each other. Yes, I was surprised the first time she mentioned ‘their moments’.
Anyways, by the grace of God, He convicted me of my wrongdoing for being self-righteous. I focused on other people’s lives than myself; judged my friend than thinking about what’s more important. It is true what you said that she has the right to display her relationship and it isn’t my place to interfere.
I want to thank you for your kindness. Your reply has helped me to correct my behavior and get back to my faith. This situation was one of the reasons why it discouraged. I am glad God used you to change my heart.
Now, I actually don’t mind if my friend may message about her relationship some of the time. I’m involving the Lord always in our conversation which helps me focus away from what’s unnecessary.
Thank you again Kara! Hope to get in touch with you soon. May God bless you! <3
Kara Beth Post author
Yay! I’m glad to hear that you’re growing in your faith and that you are on track to becoming more content with your singleness :) That’s awesome :) And I’m glad that it no longer bothers you when your friend shares about her relationship sometimes :)
Many blessings,
Kara
Sophie
Hey Kara! I really liked this! I went through the same things when I was with someone and these past 4 years of singleness has really helped think about a lot of things! I really like the way you write too. Thank you for accepting my friend request on Instagram x
Kara Beth Post author
Hi Sophie! I’m glad you can relate :)
And of course! :)